A Friday Post by Robin Janney

I wanted to do posts Monday and Friday's but I've run out of words for this week. Suicide hit a lot closer to home this week, and even though I did not know either almost relative well...my heart is sad. So I am posting Gary Allan's music video for today...it has brought me comfort in the past. If you cannot see the light at the end of your night, and need help...the Suicide hotline is 1-800-273-8255

There is help for you, and hope. Much love to all.

Fake it Till You Make It by Robin Janney

This post contains STRONG language. Do not read it the F-word offends you.

I've been giving this a lot of thought over the weekend, and I find I can't leave the subject of depression right now. Perhaps because of recent suicides, perhaps because in the novel I'm retyping deals with it.

Years ago, a lifetime ago, when I was going to an unnamed church, a friend and I were given TERRIBLE advice on how to deal with our depression. I didn't realize it at the time, but time has given me a different perspective.

We were told to keep it hidden, and when in a public setting to "fake it until you make it". Because you know, if you smile long enough eventually your mood will change. Grin and bear, just a different turn of phrase.

So not only was it a sin to be depressed, it was also a sin to let it be seen outside of the privacy of your own home. After all, if a Christian isn't joyful ALL the time then they're not a real Christian. If someone is depressed, then there is sin in their life that they aren't confessing and they need to get right with the Lord. Or worse...you had somehow opened a door for a demon to come and oppress you (not to be confused with possessing, that's something different)

FUCK THAT SHIT!!!

Pardon the strong language, but the fake it until you make it attitude is the worse advice ever. It denies the reality that sometimes depression is a real medical issue meant to be treated with drugs or therapy or both. This advice endangers lives!!

Yes, sometimes depression is the result of circumstances. But there is NOTHING wrong with being depressed because life has shit on you. Sadness resulting from job losses, illness, deaths, and other losses can and does turn into a lasting depression. My husband lost 4 family members within a relatively short amount of time, with a few losses on my side tossed in for good measure. So not only was he dealing with his own depression, he had mine too...and vice versa. And I'm not ashamed of those years -- loved and cherished family members were taken from us before their time. It hurt, and was a lot for both of us to process.

We need to stop putting a time limit on grieving.

Even if you are depressed for no reason you can discern...it's still not a sin. Odds are, there isn't a demon hanging on your back either. Sometimes our bodies do things we just don't understand, and sometimes parts just don't work like they're supposed to. Including our brains.

We all wear masks from time to time. Putting on a polite face to deal with a relative we really don't like, or coworkers, or that rude ass person being a dick at the drive-thru. This isn't that.

While religion can and does give people comfort, it can also be abused to...well, abuse people.

This advice is not something I still dwell on. I've washed my hands of the person it came from and understand that some of it was denial about their own mental illness. Probably still is as this person is still in the same church.

It's just recent events have brought the memories back and it makes me so angry! If your church has this attitude about depression being sinful, my advice is to run! Get out! If not for your own mental safety, then for that of a loved one. Find a church willing to accept it as a normal part of life, sometimes needing medical treatment.

If you've ever given anyone this advice...repent and apologize to that person and ask them how you can help. I wish more people had not treated me like I was some kind of leper just because I wasn't willing to put on a happy face when I was not happy. There were some, but I'm not naming names on either side of this set of memories. The guilty know who they are.

This attitude of having to be happy all the time is how so many of us who deal with depression on a regular basis have learned how to look happy on the outside. Which is why people are surprised when a "happy" person commits suicide.

I don't know why it is this way, I'm just venting really.

I just know that we as a society need to stop this harmful attitude. Before more lives are gone.

Happy Friday Peeps!

Going to keep this short and sweet (I say that now).

Just checking it to see how you all are doing. It's never easy when someone "famous" commits suicide, never easy when ANYONE does...but when someone famous does it, there's so much more publicity. And it draws out so much negativity and erroneous thoughts about suicide and depression.

I myself was not well acquainted with who Anthony Bourdain or Kate Space were in the limelight. Bourdain's name sounds the most familiar to me, but even after looking him up on the net, I still couldn't place his face

I still grieve for Robin Williams.

For that matter, I still feel grief for the boy from high school who may have killed himself...for the mother of a friend who could no longer battle her mental illnesses...for the friend from high school who took her own life.

My own grandfather attempted to take his life. That is a story for another time. I do have permission to tell it, as I "interviewed" my mother and her sister. But the time wasn't right for me. The day will come though.

I have contemplated suicide before. I know someone else who has, but that's a story I can't tell...between them and me.

The joy set before me :)

But my story, short and sweet...I remember a couple different times in my twenties when the darkness was so heavy and I just wanted out from underneath it. The one that stands out the most, was the time I had a razor blade to my wrist. To the point I was drawing blood. I couldn't do it though, because my fear of death and pain was still greater than the depression. I really am grateful for that fear...because of the happiness I have today.

When I tried reaching out for help, I was accused of being overly dramatic and just wanting attention. By someone I loved and respected at the time. Still love them, still respect them...just not the same way. I can never really look at them the same way.

Obviously, I managed to survive and see my way out of that bout. And the bout after that. Just like I had many times before. Ironically thinking how much of a coward I was for being unable to take the final exit. Everyone thinks it's the ones who commit suicide who are being cowards and taking the easy way out. No, no they're not.

NO THEY'RE NOT COWARDS!

They are desperate. They want out of the pain and the darkness...and their desire for that freedom finally outweighed whatever fear of death they may have had. It's the only way they can see.

Which is why it is so important to not mock people when they talk about taking their lives or being depressed. Take every mention seriously, even if they've done it a hundred times before.

If you don't have anyone in your life you can talk to, who will take you seriously...please call the Suicide Hotline to start getting help that way.  1-800-273-8255.

And if you can...break contact with those who mock your pain. You don't need that.

I didn't know all this was going to come out what I opened the post to write. I intended something light and fun for the weekend. But once I started I couldn't stop.

This is something I take seriously and have a passion for. Which can be seen in my novels, because the two main protagonists both battle depression - among other things.

But for the real people in my life, if you're battling depression...know you're not alone. There are those of us who understand. Find a light in your darkness, be a light in someone else's darkness.

May your weekend be a safe one. Much love to all.

Getting Away by Robin Janney

Yes, this is LAST week's post.  I had a very rough week, and:

So Friday afternoon Mr. Janney and I called it a day, took our dog and went to his parents' early for our Friday night card night and just wandered around their large acreage.  My foot doctor didn't want me going walking, doesn't want me to inflame the foot any more than it is.  But I went anyway because nature is an excellent place to de-stress and that outweighed the possibility of doing further damage to my foot.

Needless to say, we all enjoyed getting away for a while.

Especially our dog Jaclyn.