Going to keep this short and sweet (I say that now).
Just checking it to see how you all are doing. It's never easy when someone "famous" commits suicide, never easy when ANYONE does...but when someone famous does it, there's so much more publicity. And it draws out so much negativity and erroneous thoughts about suicide and depression.
I myself was not well acquainted with who Anthony Bourdain or Kate Space were in the limelight. Bourdain's name sounds the most familiar to me, but even after looking him up on the net, I still couldn't place his face
I still grieve for Robin Williams.
For that matter, I still feel grief for the boy from high school who may have killed himself...for the mother of a friend who could no longer battle her mental illnesses...for the friend from high school who took her own life.
My own grandfather attempted to take his life. That is a story for another time. I do have permission to tell it, as I "interviewed" my mother and her sister. But the time wasn't right for me. The day will come though.
I have contemplated suicide before. I know someone else who has, but that's a story I can't tell...between them and me.
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| The joy set before me :) |
But my story, short and sweet...I remember a couple different times in my twenties when the darkness was so heavy and I just wanted out from underneath it. The one that stands out the most, was the time I had a razor blade to my wrist. To the point I was drawing blood. I couldn't do it though, because my fear of death and pain was still greater than the depression. I really am grateful for that fear...because of the happiness I have today.
When I tried reaching out for help, I was accused of being overly dramatic and just wanting attention. By someone I loved and respected at the time. Still love them, still respect them...just not the same way. I can never really look at them the same way.
Obviously, I managed to survive and see my way out of that bout. And the bout after that. Just like I had many times before. Ironically thinking how much of a coward I was for being unable to take the final exit. Everyone thinks it's the ones who commit suicide who are being cowards and taking the easy way out. No, no they're not.
NO THEY'RE NOT COWARDS!
They are desperate. They want out of the pain and the darkness...and their desire for that freedom finally outweighed whatever fear of death they may have had. It's the only way they can see.
Which is why it is so important to not mock people when they talk about taking their lives or being depressed. Take every mention seriously, even if they've done it a hundred times before.
If you don't have anyone in your life you can talk to, who will take you seriously...please call the Suicide Hotline to start getting help that way. 1-800-273-8255.
And if you can...break contact with those who mock your pain. You don't need that.
I didn't know all this was going to come out what I opened the post to write. I intended something light and fun for the weekend. But once I started I couldn't stop.
This is something I take seriously and have a passion for. Which can be seen in my novels, because the two main protagonists both battle depression - among other things.
But for the real people in my life, if you're battling depression...know you're not alone. There are those of us who understand. Find a light in your darkness, be a light in someone else's darkness.
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