This post contains STRONG language. Do not read it the F-word offends you.
I've been giving this a lot of thought over the weekend, and I find I can't leave the subject of depression right now. Perhaps because of recent suicides, perhaps because in the novel I'm retyping deals with it.
Years ago, a lifetime ago, when I was going to an unnamed church, a friend and I were given TERRIBLE advice on how to deal with our depression. I didn't realize it at the time, but time has given me a different perspective.
We were told to keep it hidden, and when in a public setting to "fake it until you make it". Because you know, if you smile long enough eventually your mood will change. Grin and bear, just a different turn of phrase.
So not only was it a sin to be depressed, it was also a sin to let it be seen outside of the privacy of your own home. After all, if a Christian isn't joyful ALL the time then they're not a real Christian. If someone is depressed, then there is sin in their life that they aren't confessing and they need to get right with the Lord. Or worse...you had somehow opened a door for a demon to come and oppress you (not to be confused with possessing, that's something different)
FUCK THAT SHIT!!!
Pardon the strong language, but the fake it until you make it attitude is the worse advice ever. It denies the reality that sometimes depression is a real medical issue meant to be treated with drugs or therapy or both. This advice endangers lives!!
Yes, sometimes depression is the result of circumstances. But there is NOTHING wrong with being depressed because life has shit on you. Sadness resulting from job losses, illness, deaths, and other losses can and does turn into a lasting depression. My husband lost 4 family members within a relatively short amount of time, with a few losses on my side tossed in for good measure. So not only was he dealing with his own depression, he had mine too...and vice versa. And I'm not ashamed of those years -- loved and cherished family members were taken from us before their time. It hurt, and was a lot for both of us to process.
We need to stop putting a time limit on grieving.
Even if you are depressed for no reason you can discern...it's still not a sin. Odds are, there isn't a demon hanging on your back either. Sometimes our bodies do things we just don't understand, and sometimes parts just don't work like they're supposed to. Including our brains.
We all wear masks from time to time. Putting on a polite face to deal with a relative we really don't like, or coworkers, or that rude ass person being a dick at the drive-thru. This isn't that.
While religion can and does give people comfort, it can also be abused to...well, abuse people.
This advice is not something I still dwell on. I've washed my hands of the person it came from and understand that some of it was denial about their own mental illness. Probably still is as this person is still in the same church.
It's just recent events have brought the memories back and it makes me so angry! If your church has this attitude about depression being sinful, my advice is to run! Get out! If not for your own mental safety, then for that of a loved one. Find a church willing to accept it as a normal part of life, sometimes needing medical treatment.
If you've ever given anyone this advice...repent and apologize to that person and ask them how you can help. I wish more people had not treated me like I was some kind of leper just because I wasn't willing to put on a happy face when I was not happy. There were some, but I'm not naming names on either side of this set of memories. The guilty know who they are.
This attitude of having to be happy all the time is how so many of us who deal with depression on a regular basis have learned how to look happy on the outside. Which is why people are surprised when a "happy" person commits suicide.
I don't know why it is this way, I'm just venting really.
I just know that we as a society need to stop this harmful attitude. Before more lives are gone.
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