Stuck in Neutral by Robin Janney

I feel stuck in neutral.

Unable to move forward

Pressing down on the gas pedal does no good...

And why should it? I'm running on empty.

I am draped in darkness.

Wrapped in blinding light.

Feeling my way blindly either way.

I feel shrouded in a cloud.

A cold, damp cloud. A heavy, humid cloud.

Pressed to the ground, unable to breathe.

Though I am surrounded by beauty

My heart feels withered, dry and brittle

Comforted by nothing.

Though I am surrounded by love,

Friends and Family and Man's best friend,

I feel bereft of love. Empty and hollow.

Though I wonder how I can feel anything at all, numb as I am.

Apathy and anger coexist, though I do not know how.

Tomorrow brings another day, bright with hope and possibilities,

But already I want to sleep it away.

Released Again! by Robin Janney

Once again, I impulsively hit "publish" without a second thought.

For the EBook version of the Farmer's Daughter use this link: EBook

If you a physical copy in the form of a paperback, this is the link you need: Paperback

I love the new cover design I bought from B Rose Designz She does most excellent work and I am having so much trouble deciding which cover to purchase for Ring of Fire.

Right now, Mr Janney and I are sitting in Wyoming waiting for the wind to die down. It's a little too high for our load to handle.

Back to working on Bigger than the Beetles!

"Six Days on the Road" by Robin Janney

Actually, Mr. Janney and I are typically on the road for more than six days at a time.

Sorry for the months of silence. I've been trying to adjust to life on the road as a true team driver. My third trainer was indeed the one who was the one who say me to the end of training. He was patient, even when I know he was getting frustrated with my backing. But I gained confidence with him and tested out early. And because Mr. Janney was in the right place at the right time, I tested out in the morning and was on his truck by that afternoon.

At a TA in Washington somewhere

And since then we've been trying to find out rhythm as team drivers. Some weeks are better than others. We've been sitting at a truck stop in Oklahoma City for a couple days now doing a reset and getting some much needed rest. It's a long haul across the Rockies, loaded or empty, and I do not envy the pioneers who took those mountain passes with covered wagons. Beautiful vistas, beyond doubt.

It took me quite a while to figure out how to continue my writing career out here on the road. It's not practical to get the laptop out after every shift. In the beginning, most days I just wanted a bite to eat and bed. But then, after a trip home, I decided to bring along my old Surface tablet. And it works. I'm able to access my files thanks to One Drive and can do everything on it that I can do on the laptop. I still have the laptop along for days like today, when we're just sitting and relaxing.

With my tablet, I was able to finish my edits and formatting on my rebooted Farmer's Daughter. I did have a few minutes of panic today when I switched from the tablet to the laptop...because the One Drive file wasn't showing ANY of the changes I'd made. I was almost in tears. Even Mr. Janney was concerned. "Did you save it before you switched?" Yes, oh yes I did! But at his advice I returned to the tablet to search for it there...took me some time because for some reason that file wasn't showing the changes either. And then I had a message saying that there were changes that needed to be uploaded to One Drive and did I want to do that? I hit that Yes button quick!

Not sure why it did that, but my changes were saved after all. I think maybe I lost service in the few minutes it was saving the first time. Sooooo, relieved!

does not represent actual books.

I probably could have uploaded the file right from the tablet, but I had to get the laptop out anyway so I could do the paperback cover file properly (it wasn't downloading on the phone). I decided that if this novel was worth 'rebooting' with a few plot changes and new formatting, then it deserved a professional cover. Nothing wrong with the daisy one I made. I just came across a cool cover made by brosedesignz that I felt represented the storyline and characters better. I think she'll be getting more of my money because I'm going to want the series to mesh cover-wise and she's great at what she does!

And, I did hit publish. I'll share the links when Amazon makes them available and I'll try to write here more often too. Hard on the phone, but I'll try on the table, something I haven't done yet.

So, where to now? Job-wise, I have no idea. Writing, I'll hop back to writing book three (Bigger than the Beetles) and editing two (The Ring of Fire).

For those who have read the first version of book one, if you have the Ebook and have your Kindle set up for automatic updates, the book should automatically do so. I'll let you know when it should do so and if it doesn't update for you, we'll see what we can do. If you have the paperback and would like a new copy free of charge, contact me and I'll make sure you get a new one. If you want an autographed one, it'll take a little longer but we'll make it happen.

If you decide not to read the reboot, there will be a section in the third novel detailing the changes I've made in the first two books. My goals are to have both two and three released before the end of the year, lofty goals to be sure but I have to have something to aim for! Realistically, it'll probably just be Ring's reboot released in a couple months - I still have editing and formatting to do there (I learned how to do Drop Cases at the beginning of my chapters and it looks a bit more professional now). Beetles, if I'm lucky, a spring release. But I'm still going to hope for end of the year.

Well, I'm done here. Going to drop another picture from my travels and get back to writing and editing.

I see these yellow flowers everywhere out here in the western US
I'm not sure what they are, but they are one of the little things
That make this job worth it

Third Time's the Charm? by Robin Janney

Crossing the Mississippi River into St. Louis. No longer in the rig, so I wasn't
in violation of any rules. I got to be a tourist for a few minutes!

If you've been following the drama that is me trying to learn how to drive a rig and team with my husband, then you know I've run into a few issues with finding a good trainer. Friday afternoon I was picked up by my third, and...I'm pretty hopeful about this guy.

For starters, he has thirteen years experience. And he reminds me a little bit of the psychiatrist in charge of me back in '94 - he doesn't understand why I had trouble with the last trainer. The doctor back in '94 outright told me, 'I don't know why you're here.' Calling into question not only the college staff who insisted on my hospitalization and the emergency room admittance personnel. But that's another story and much water under the bridge.

Leaving out many of the details, per orders not to talk too much about it, I just said that my last trainer's biggest complaint about my driving was lane maintenance. He watched me drive for a while, then said he saw no problem with my lane maintenance. Well, he said a few other things that I might talk about another time.

It's an easy enough run that I'll be doing...from the drop yard in St. Louis to the one in Indianapolis and back again. And I'll get to back up twice a day, once in each drop yard. Backing has always been my weakness, and he seemed patient enough the first time. I definitely need to learn to control my speed during the backing up process - even letting the rig go backwards under its own power (no throttle) it still can go too fast. But that's where practice makes perfect.

That moment when you realize
your mom gets you

Depending on how you look at it, I was lucky to get this weekend off. Usually he runs seven days a week. The weekend hours are different, which is going to mess with my head. Well, time is already messing with my head since I'm in a different time zone than usual. Does that mean I'll be time traveling every day???

I'm still giddy that I'm on the other side of the Mississippi River! For many, the Mississippi is a demarcation line similar to the Mason Dixon line...you're not really in the west until you're across the Mississippi.

I'm just across it, but I'm across it just the same. And actually, I'm on the other side of the Missouri River too. My home for the next few weeks is in St. Clair, Missouri. I'll pick my trainer up each morning, go to the drop yard in East St. Louis. I'll get to see the St. Louis Gateway arch at a distance every freakin' day! I'm not sure how long I'll be here, I have just over 200 training hours left. I'm guessing about two weeks. Ish. I hope to be able to get better pictures before I'm out of this area. I did get one of the Gateway Arch from the drop yard (featured below). I'll have to ask my trainer if he minds if I use his car to run out to a nearby park for photos. I don't want to assume anything.

I've always wanted to travel, even if it's always intimidated me a little. While Mr. Janney and I will be limited to what we can do driving a big rig, this is a step in the right direction. I might not always be able to get pictures, but there will definitely be memories made. Hubby's already told me how often he thought of me while he was training: "Yup, if Robin was here, she'd be taking pictures." Mountains and clouds...yeah, I'm a goofball who likes to take pictures of clouds, and my husband knows that. Clouds, the moon, flowers, sunsets...random seed puffs floating in the air. He has pulled over a time or two to indulge my desire to photograph something!

Not the greatest pic of the Arch, but...it's there just the same!

This post is jumping around a little bit, and I apologize. Just proof of how confident and excited I'm feeling at the moment. Another difficulty of being me, I can swing from one extreme to the other with little notice. Although in this case, it happened over the few days it took Mr Janney and I to get to where we needed to be for me to be picked up by my trainer. I will be forever grateful to our company for allowing us to do that and to the trainer for waiting for me. He didn't have to.

The trip west was one of the most relaxing I've had since this journey began. Not just my time with my husband, but even when I was driving the rig. I just had very little anxiety. Even during the heavy traffic we dealt with, because again - my trainer had no problem with my driving through it. He approved of the distance I was keeping, the speed I was going. He helped here and there as needed, shaking his head as I told him the previous criticisms I'd received.

Here's hoping the anxiety stays this low level through the rest of our time together!

Have a good weekend all...and here's a final picture for you.

Sunset as we crossed the Mississippi!

Hurry Up and Wait - by Robin Janney

It doesn't matter what job I've work at, "Hurry up and wait..." has been a recurring theme.

Rush to meet the deadline of one kind or another, only to stand around waiting for the other shoe to drop - for the last page of the newspaper to arrive, for the cow line to get moving again, for the rush order cabinet door to be made and put through the final process of sanding. And now, we 'rush' to get the deliveries made on time all week while I try to learn the ins and outs of real life trucking, only to find myself twiddling my thumbs on the weekends.

Hela vs the Valkyries needs to be a movie of its own...

You'd think I'd welcome this "free time". I could use it to write or read. Work on either Bigger than the Beetles, the third book in my series, or on a blog post. Even blog ahead if I was smart. Instead, I sit here at my laptop binge watching old episodes of Deep Space 9. Okay, I also watched Ant-Man and the Wasp as well as Thor Ragnarok (the best Thor movie and in the top 5 for the Marvel movies in general in my opinion). Right now I have A Solo Story lined up to watch next, once I'm done cooking. But then I'll go back to Deep Space 9...although the more I watch the Harry Potter movie on the tv, the more I'm tempted to just keep watching that! It's early yet and I won't be going back to work until sometime tomorrow, so maybe I'll manage all of it!

I'm struggling with depression this weekend, with a smattering of anxiety. Some of it stems from the bit of the squabble I had with my trainer shortly before week's end. Some of it stems from being in a strange place all by myself. Granted, I'm in the same nice hotel I was last weekend, so it's not as strange as it was. I managed to go to Walmart today without panicking, and that's always a plus. I have 232 training hours left before I can join my husband and we can bring our dog along, thus reducing my anxiety and depression, and it seems unbearably long at this moment.

missing my girl :(

I did put in a call to the company's Student department, and we're going to see if we can fix the schism between me and my trainer. There was so little communication between she and I on Friday, that I don't know whether it can be fixed. It all boils down to poor communication in the first place. We shall see.

Just one more hiccup in this journey we call life. I know that I'll get through this and come out for the better. No doubt I'll use it for the characters in my stories. I just need to get through the worse part of this momentary bout the blues before I can channel it into their angst. I hate this part of my depression - I can never write when I'm in this certain spot. Pisses me off because writing makes me happy. I've never understood this quirk.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day, whether you're celebrating Easter or Passover or neither.

And We're Off - Sort Of by Robin Janney

I have started my training for the company...sort of. My trainer is on a dedicated route, and doesn't run on the weekends. Which means I've only been training for like two and a half days (was picked up late Wednesday afternoon and drove back)...and I'm already back in a hotel.

It's just for the weekend. Trainer will be calling my Sunday to let me know when I'll be picked up again (either Sunday night or Monday morning I think.) It'll be a day later next weekend because of the holiday (the store we deliver to will be closed on Sunday). It will make it harder to get my training hours, which is sucky - but on the flip side even after a couple days, I was ready for a break from the top bunk (pictured). Talk about anxiety triggering claustrophobia. I haven't had a true 'attack' but I'll be damned if I can sleep longer than a couple hours at a time.

So I slept late today and am just taking it easy for the moment. Watching Men in Back II and catching up on Clash of Clans and...I might even write later today. I am so much more comfortable in this little hotel room than I was in the one they had us in during Orientation and training. It's like a little apartment, even has a kitchen! A full size fridge and a little stove, even a dishwasher! Not that I'm probably going to use any of it. But it's nice to know that it's there if I wanted to. I might go out to Walmart later today...I need to get some allergy medicine too - my sinuses are killing me.

Training begins in earnest on Monday. I hope. A little nervous about backing in the real world, especially since my trainer has already proven to be a little impatient when it comes to back. I tried at the one store, she ended up getting in and finishing it herself. The store  employees opening the dock doors made her feel rushed I think. Well, next week is a new week. Maybe I'll have to tell her what I told the one instructor at school...just leave me alone and let me figure it out on my own, I'll ask for help if I need it. I know what I have to do, I just sometimes get my angles backwards. It doesn't help that none of the real world situations have looked "text book" but I think I should be able to figure it out...eventually.

I snapped a selfie while I was Off Duty in the passenger seat...

I did make myself proud yesterday on the drive back from Philly. Across the top of a double-deck bridge, and through a tunnel. Two things that I don't like. But I did it, without flinching. I said to my trainer after we were off the bridge, "Is now a good time to say I'm terrified of heights?" She was surprised, said she hadn't been able to tell from how I handled the bridge...and later said she hadn't warned me about the tunnel coming up to see how I would handle that since it made sense to her that if I was afraid of heights I'd also be bothered by the tunnel. It wasn't a surprise, because I had been reading the signs for a while...but I also didn't ask if we'd be going through it because I was afraid the answer was going to be yes! Silly, I know. But she says I handled the tunnel well too. I did the only thing there was to do...just drove on. Focused on the task at hand.

Which is all I can do right now. Focus on learning what I need to so I can become a 'qualified' driver and get teamed with Mr. Janney. One thing at a time!

Until next weekend, be safe out there.

Ready...Set... by Robin Janney

Waiting on the GO!

If all goes as planned - which has seldom happened this past year - I should be meeting my company driving trainer late tomorrow afternoon.

I'm excited and nervous all over again.

All over again because the last time I was assigned a trainer, last week, turned out to be a false alarm. Not sure if it was a lack of communication (on others' part, not mine) or just bad timing. Especially since the initial phone number I was given turned out to be a wrong number! Regardless, it's over and done with and I was assigned a new trainer yesterday. And this time the number was the right one!

This trainer sounds as nice as the first one, so I'm optimistic again. It's hard forming an opinion of someone based on how they sound on the phone. Honestly, she sounds like a little old granny to me, so I think she sounds nice.

Isn't she adorable?

I've been trying to keep myself busy as I've been waiting. We aren't allowed to check out of the hotel, so I'm feeling the miles between me and my doggy right now. I know she's being taken good care of, I get the occasional picture, but it's hard when I hear reports of her not eating well. There's nothing I can do for her except get through my training as soon as I can without cheating myself out of learning time.

My trainer runs a dedicated route, so I won't be getting out of the east coast. Which kind of bums me, but once I can join Mr. Janney on his truck that will change so there's that much. If I understood my trainer correctly, I'll probably be in a motel room at least one day a week on the weekend. It is what it is. As long as I get trained correctly.

To keep myself entertained while I wait, I've read two books and watched a lot of Ion and USA when I haven't been doing one thing or another at the Terminal. I've been through the simulator and let me tell you it sucked - the motion of the screens as I pretended to drive around a virtual rig made me dizzy because I wasn't actually moving. I'd rather play GTA any day, and I hate GTA.

I've tried writing on Book 3. It's been hard because I've been battling depression and anxiety over the entire trainer issue from last week. I have made progress, but there has been more than one night I've opened the file only to add one word here and there before calling it good. Of course, right now I've got the excited anxiety going on so I might not be able to write much tonight because I'm too high strung with hope.

Hopefully I'll be able to check in later this weekend. Have a good week all.

Daffodils outside the hotel